A Blessing in Disguise
Everybody, especially at a young age, has dreams they want to carry through until they reach the desired end. And the likelihood of the goals may vary. Women around my age, presumably, would proclaim that they want to pursue their life-time dreams parallel with getting married and fostering kids someday. They are prepared to do multitasking and the risks that come with it. People one or two generations before me would diehard struggle to secure the idea of women changing the world just as much as men. Even in Little Women (1868) by Louisa May Alcott, Jo March (the main character) defined marriage as “an economic proposition for women,” that womankind could be prosperous only if they were married to a nobleman. This scheme illustrated how the world saw women back then. Fast-forward to more or less two centuries later, the very same world is urging more towards collective empowerment. Women now are valued based on merit related to their skills. Men and women have equal opportunities, and neither one of them has a more significant impact on the world than the other; that we carry the same weight as future generations.
As for me, personally, being self-reliant is what I’d like to perceive myself in the future. I aspire to be standing in my own two feet, even if the world ever turned into turmoil. That sounds pretty customary for someone to have such kind of enthusiasm, especially a 21st-century college-aged girl. The chaotic circumstances have shaped us millennials into avid self-improvers and made us feel obliged to fulfill the high-demanding standards by human creation. The world has long been filled with endless achievements by human beings, and yet we still find ourselves willing to do novelty nevertheless. Do we have to reach the bare minimum standards of success, or do we have to be standout like most elites? I was sometimes confused about whether I’m doing less, enough, or too much, at the same time. And my mind is always restless — lacking confidence and contemplating what consequences my actions will bring.
Most people want to be good at something, and we insist on going the extra mile to be exceptional. As the world has already felt like a competition for me, I, myself, joined the walk just like everybody else. But there were times when I thought I deserved a break, that if I pushed too much, I would be no more than a splinter. Every one, undoubtedly, would agree that it is indeed a necessity to loosen up once in a while. But I perpetuated my bad habit — the inability to resist laziness — subsequently started to slack off, slowly lost motivation, and finally chose comfort over self-worth. After a while, I began to realize I’ve traded my valuable time for potential failure I never thought of. A flash of indulgence I merely felt at the moment became a feeling of remorse after that.
And then the storms won’t subside; happened in continuous streams, and left me the impression never to let loose of whatever I’m trying to get hold of. I was to set foot on what others would’ve called “triumph.” But the rainbows never seem to find their way to the sky I’m looking at, and I’m starting to feel sore on my neck for looking too high of a hope. Is it too soon to concede that some things just never happened to some people? Or am I too eager to rush towards the finish line? After all, I hear the saying goes,
“you didn’t come this far only to come this far.”
And I’m starting to pick up my senses and trying to build my inner motivation back.
The immoderate spare time I had during this COVID-19 pandemic has led me to gain more awareness of some things I wouldn’t have realized in a fast-moving world. Now it seems to be the right time for me to reflect on what I have and haven’t done so far and try to do something about it. Despite the massive setbacks caused by the unprecedented calamity, I’m relieved that there are simple things I can still be grateful for one way or another. In this situation, we are bound to decide what are the elements, the people, the activities essentials in our lives.
